Everyday I read plenty of the articles on the internet that I find interesting and wish to share with anyone who is interested. However I’m not about to post 7 articles on my Facebook wall everyday, it will all get lost in the shuffle. So I’m presenting a weekly newsletter of interesting content I found around the web. The content will not include Buzzfeed listicles or click-bait, each post will be longform intriguing journalism that hopefully you haven’t already seen shared multiple times in your various newsfeeds. Sign up for weekly my newsletter here.
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When your Stepfather admits to spying on you in your bedroom and bathroom, how do you continue to maintain a relationship with him? Furthermore, your mother is defending him and denying this act as sexual abuse.
In many relationships the sex drive between two partners varies. But what if your partner is Asexual and you’d like to engage in regular coitus. In this first person essay, the author describes the ups & downs of being asexual in a heterosexual relationship.
What if you ate all of the fast food advertised during the NFL playoffs? It’s clear that most advertising is misleading and fast food isn’t always delicious. Ruth Baron ate 62 of the advertised fast-food meals advertised during the NFL playoffs.
What if you could tailor your resume to give you the exact experience a potential employer is looking for? Enter Career Excuse, a company that you can pay to create fake job experience for you, including a letter of recommendation as well as phone reference and an impressive website.
Love can transcend and withstand many things, what if your girlfriend was in jail? In the New York Times modern love section, one man writes about his love story, dating a woman who is behind bars for a role she played in a crime, ten years prior.
This is a weekly newsletter with curated content from around the web. Please reach out with any suggestions and feedback. Find me on Twitter and on Instagram.
Tuesday 8:30am Juice 1 — As the days before, my first juice was “Morning Glory.” I did however implement my straw trick of drinking as fast as humanly possible. Either it works wonders or drinking this three days in a row has made my tastebuds immune to 8oz of green juice. Regardless, this was my last time drinking the juice hopefully forever. Unless I decide to hop on the fad diet train again and cleanse my body some more.
Tuesday 10:15am Juice 2 — “Spicy Lemonade” is my favorite of the juices. I prefer the pomegranate flavor from day 1. But this was just as delicious as the day before. The juice cleanse would be much easier if it involved only drinking this juice for days on end. Except, this is probably the least nutritious and I’d end up malnourished but hey, as long as my taste buds won’t hate me anymore! In all seriousness though, I will try to recreate this juice to drink as much as humanly possible.
Tuesday 12:30pm Juice 3 — For lunch I enjoyed a “Sweet Spin”. Here I’m using the term enjoyedvery losely. But I see the light at the end of the tunnel, three more juices after this one and I get to enjoy solid food for lunch tomorrow! But the goal of this isn’t to just cleanse my body with these lovely juices for three days and then jump back into eating pizza and all that good stuff. I am going to continue with a healthy lifestyle. I’m actually feeling pretty refreshed and energetic where I thought I’d feel sluggish and drained.
Tuesday 2:30pm Juice 4 — The end of the day is definitely the worst. The thicker juices make me have to pee more but the “Acai Blend”isn’t bad. Little did I know, this would be the last juice I enjoyed all day. It’s fruity and sweet but not as good as yesterday’s midday snack juice. I’m really looking forward to finishing up these last few juices and move on to solid food again. All of these juices and blended drinks are kind of making me feel like a hospital patient and I’m ready to feel like a young adult again at meal times.
Tuesday 6:30pm Juice 5— For dinner I had the pleasure of enjoying “Not So Chunky.” Julie, creator of this juice cleanse, why oh why do you hate me? This is significantly worse the second day and finishing it was a challenge. I ended up taking huge gulps and chasing it with water. My roommate is finding this situation hysterical, me? Not so much. I hope one day she gets bitten by the ‘fad diet bug’ and I get to be a witness and enjoy watching her squirm. But for the moment, shes laughing at my expense and I cannot wait to finish this and never have to drink it again. Also peanut butter and bananas are a combination I will never be able to approach again.
Tuesday 8:30pm Juice 6 — The end is near. For my final juice of the cleanse I enjoy my 6th “Sweet Spin.” Unfortunately I drank this while duckpin bowling with some friends so this was pure torture. But, my friends were so proud of me for sticking to my guns and making it this far in the cleanse so they were nice enough to not tempt me with all the food they were eating. My plan for the final juice was to chug and then chug some water and put this fad diet behind me. I chugged this final juice as if I hadn’t drank anything in three days even though I’m so full of juice and I’m looking forward to my nice bowl of cereal tomorrow morning.
All in all? I didn’t hate the juice cleanse. I know I complained about the taste of most of them, if I do it again I will definitely head over to the store and pick out flavors that appeal to my tastes (less green goop, more spicy lemonade.) But I am feeling refreshed and rejuvinated like the cleanse promised. And I ended up losing 3 pounds which was a nice bonus. If you’re considering a juice cleanse I would highly suggest it. What do you have to loose? Well maybe about an hour of your day because you’re constantly running to pee.
Monday 8:00am Juice 1 — The day started again with “Morning Glory.” This blend of romaine, celery, spinach, apple, kale, banana and strawberry again made me dream of better days where I was enjoying cereal and milk. However now that I learned my straw trick which is: chug through a straw and don’t breathe out of your nose, the juice went down quickly. No dry-heaving today! And fortunately, only one more of these bad boys tomorrow and then I’m in the clear!
Monday 10:00am Juice 2 — My mid-morning snack was “Spicy Lemonade” and I would consider buying this to drink on a daily basis! It was that good! It was a mix of lemon, maple syrup and cayenne pepper. I think this was the juice I was most excited to try and thankfully it did not dissapoint. Even better, there’s another one for me to drink again tomorrow. Julie, creator of this juice cleanse thank you for creating this spicy lemony goodness for me to enjoy in-between green goopy juices.
Monday 12:00pm Juice 3 — For lunch, I have my first “Sweet Spin” of the day. Green goopy juice goes down just fine when I don’t breathe out of my nose and try to drink as fast as humanly possible. My notes for how to improve this beverage: remove the green stuff and double up on the fruity flavors. Everyone loves fruit, people are less fond of blended greens that ruin the fruity taste. Oh and while I suffered through this drink, my coworkers were eating lunch and tormenting me with their solid foods.
Monday 3:00pm Juice 4 — My afternoon snack was a new juice today, “Chia Berry.” Looking into the bottle and seeing seeds did not make me excited to drink this. It was made of strawberries, chia seeds, lemon and pomegranate. This one happened to be amazing, once I could get past the weirdness that was seeds in my juice. Hopefully all the seeds I consumed today don’t cause little baby fruits and veggies to grow in my tummy; or worse — a chia pet. This was better than the afternoon snack yesterday, unfortunately this was the only chia berry juice I got.
Monday 6:30pm Juice 5 — My dinner juice couldn’t possibly be any worse than the one from last night. “Not So Chunky” is a kind of gross name but it was a blend of peanut butter and banana so what could be bad about that? Unfortunately it smelled like playdough and didn’t taste peanut buttery enough for my personal taste. It ended up not tasting too bad but it was nowhere near as good as I expected it to be. I think it was the overwhelming playdough smell that went along with this one that made me want to give up my first born child to not have to drink it again tomorrow.
Monday 8:30pm Juice 6 — Yay! More “Sweet Spin” said no one ever. All things considered, this juice isn’t too bad. It’s just a lot of it. 32 oz of anything is a lot. 32 oz of something you’re not particularly fond of is way too much.
I have now finished 2/3 of the juice cleanse and I don’t know if I would describe it as feeling rejuvenated, but I am definitely feeling pretty good! Today, I did not feel that inevitable 2 o’clock slump and that was amazing considering I spend most of the morning procrastinating — especially on a Monday. But I am ready for this to be over and off of the pee every 15 minutes plan. Because that is getting just a littleexhausting.
Sunday 7:30am Juice 1 — The day started with “Morning Glory” or as I like to call it “Green Goop #1.” It is a blend of romaine, celery, spinach, apple, kale, banana, strawberry and water. It’s kind of thick. At first I thought, hmm not bad. Three days of this will go by without a problem. Three sips later I was taking baby sips of the juice with huge gulps of water in between to cleanse my palette. This juice is the first one I have to drink every day, but it’s not terrible, with enough water I can tolerate it.
Sunday 10:00am Juice 2 — At some point in the morning I get a snack juice. Today’s was “Spicy Pome-nade,” seeing as I am not a huge lemonade or pomegranate person I did not have high hopes. It is a blend of pomegranate, lemon, maple syrup, cayenne pepper and water. It went down smoothly and had a nice kick. Unfortunately I only have one of these during the three day period and I drank it today. But the second juice for tomorrow looks just as good. If the cleanse was just 6 of this every day I would be in good shape!
Sunday 12:30pm Juice 3 — For lunch I get another green juice. Awesome, it was so enjoyable this morning I just can’t wait to have another. This one is called “Sweet Spin” and I have no idea what to expect. Unfortunately as I was drinking this goopy green beverage, everyone around me was enjoying pizza which only made this taste worse. It was a blend of spinach, kale, pineapple, banana, mango and water. It actually tasted much better than I thought. And with the help of a straw I was able to drink this one quickly without putting too much thought into it.
Sunday 3:00pm — It feels like all I do is drink juice, pee out juice, then drink some more juice. I may have peed more today than I have in all of 2013. But I guess that’s what 96 oz of juice a day does to you (plus the water I need to wash down some of the juice I don’t like as much.) The midday snack was “Acai Blend” and it resembled a smoothie. It was a blend of acai berries, strawberries and banana. Something I’ve noticed, all of the juices contain banana. I liked this one a lot, it was sweet and tasted like something that people actually eat. It is definitely my favorite of the thicker juices.
Sunday 6:30pm — The dinner juice. With a name like “Island Coconut” I was excited to try it. Unfortunately, a blend of coconut meat, water, date and cinnamon is not a combination that I enjoy. In fact, my first thought was ‘dear lord I would rather chug bottles of cough syrup instead of having to finish this.’ But I’m a trooper and thankfully I only have one bottle of this one. By far this was my least favorite of all the juices. It had a milky consistency and I don’t like any of the ingredients. It was worse than cough syrup.
Sunday 8:00pm — The final juice of the day is another “Sweet Spin.” While it wasn’t my favorite, it isn’t the worst thing I had today. I think that I drink two of these everyday. My second bottle of “Green Goop #2″ went down uneventfully and I am officially 1/3 of the way through this ill advised juice cleanse. I don’t feel bad, but I definitely wouldn’t say I feel invigorated. Hopefully tomorrows juices will go down smoother and I won’t want to auction off my first born instead of drink 16 oz of some liquid.
I will love you as best I know how. Always when the sunlight blinds us in the morning with rays so bright we have to wear all our imperfections. Our heavy lids slowly waking, trying to escape beneath the blanket for a few more minutes. I will love you in-between the snooze buttons, the sharp shrill of the alarm reminding us of where we are.
I will love you underneath. When we hide from daylight grabbing the first quiet moments of morning. The birds aren’t chirping yet, surely we can have five more minutes to hide. Five more minutes to breathe in each other. Five to prepare us for the day.
I will love you when it’s hot out. When it’s too sticky and humid and our clothes cling to our bodies. It’s impossible to feel clean as the air compresses all around us. But I will hold your hand as we walk through toward the train. I will love you as we keep our eyes open.
I will love you when the leaves start to fall. When nature rewards us for making it through the blistering heat. We will spend the day together and catch the sun as it continues to set earlier. We will welcome the chilled breeze as you give me your jacket to walk home because I’m shivering. I will love you here, walking safely and warmly, by your side.
I will love you when everything seems like an effort. When the cold comes in and the wind burns our faces. The sky gets dreary and the warmth seems like a pipe dream from long ago. I will love you wrapped up in the couch, watching reruns of shows we don’t care about. We will smell the trees and kiss champagne for the New Year. That’s where I will love you, in the starting of something new in the middle of winter.
I will love you when the sun thaws and petals fall into our hair. When our eyes start to itch and the world starts over. We will shed our jackets remembering the feeling of welcomed rays on our arms. I will love you in the new walking home through the flowers.
I will love you in the smallest of moments, when we fall effortlessly to sleep. I will love you because of your creations, you have meaning far greater than I ever thought possible. I will love you when you show me your vulnerabilities. When we both fight and realize we are just humans.
I will love you when it seems like there is nothing left. When life throws us curve balls and the sunrise feels impossibly gone. On the nights when we huddle for warmth and laugh between the pillows.
I will love you in days we feel lost. When the world seems against us and all we have are hands. I will love you in the rain, with our feet standing in puddles and smiles on our teeth. I will love you in shaky inhales, each more confident than the last. I will love you with callused palms, strong and honest, with the lightness of touch.
I will love every part of you, as best I know how.
For more of my deep thoughts and witticisms, follow me on Twitter or Facebook.
Sometimes while sitting at work, I find my mind wandering a little. Particularly last week when I was not enjoying my salad at lunch, solely for the fact that it is not grilled cheese. So it all began with this one haiku ..
Haiku Studios (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I do not like you
You will never be grilled cheese
You make my mouth sad
Below is a list of some haikus I wrote, some inspired by coworkers, others are just random thoughts that popped into my head,
We should write all blogs
In the form of a haiku
Work would be more fun
it is clear that you
did not major in english
haikus are easy
I want to leave work
I only have five more blogs
Have three hours left
grammar and syntax, only
use haikus today
excited for the
halloween party later
I will be miley
John, will you be my
Robin Thicke so I can twerk
on you all evening
candy crush killed my
at adventure web
Makes John cry, he would rather
Be lured into woods
Sometimes I take a
Break from my writing job by
Doing more writing.
Have you ever wondered what makes Kori tick? And what exactly is going on inside that crazy head of hers, under what used to be an epic jew-fro? Well, I may not have ALL the answers but on behalf of her 23rd birthday, here is a start:
There was a dog, his name was Brutis, until one day that little fudge face sat on his back and took him for a ride. Koko might have been small but Brutis just couldn’t hold the weight and Kori went toppling off.
After Brutis kicked Kori off, she proceeded to slam his head in the door.
Underneath all the chemicals and hair ironing, Kori has the MOST EPIC JEW FRO KNOWN TO MAN.
Her full name is Kornelious Fudge-Face Hannah SnairBear.
She is secretly part Mexican which is why she loves the FAJITAS!
Her favorite song is ‘Nuggets, Nuggets, Unit A. Stick with us and you’ll go cray. Nom, Nom, Nom, Boom, Boom, pow ..’
Mr. and Mrs. Snair wanted a third child so badly, after they had Kori, they couldn’t bare the thought to have another. She was just TOO MUCH to handle.
She frequents ColdStone so often, they named a creation after her.
Kori has these HUGE calf muscles that look like tumors because she is a Lax Bro.
Bedtime isn’t bedtime unless Kori has already eaten a quart of ice cream and suffered through multiple brain freezes.
At night she cuddles with a little bear named ‘Champ’. Before bed she has to tuck him in and sing to him. ‘Me and my teddy, getting all ready, getting all ready for bed.’
Her favorite color is yellow, and she is BANANAS. Kori is ape-shit crazy!! That is why her favorite thing to be called is .. KOKO NANNERS!!
She can’t drink a beverage unless it is being sold in a children’s cup. She owns over 100 from Glory Days and Red Robin.
If it is not chicken, she will not consume it. Her biggest fear is Mad Cow disease. Kori has not had red meat since ‘nam.
One time she chased down the Cookie Monster in the streets of NYC so she could get a photograph. She just needs one of her and Big Bird and then her collection of photos with the characters of Sesame Street is complete.
The uniform of choice is: skinny jeans, a hanes white v-neck and a scarf from baby GAP with some Uggs.
Did you have a magnet on your car and now it’s missing? Koko’s favorite item to collect is car magnets. CURRENTLY SHE IS ON THE PROWL FOR A TYE-DYE PEACE SIGN.
On Kori’s bucket list, she really wants to pee outside. When she accomplished this feat, she wiped with a single blade of grass.
If Kori is MIA, she could probably be found in the nearest bathroom. She is always peeing from drinking RedBull, her beverage of choice.
When Kornelious does produce offspring, she wants to have 10 children. 10 little babies that run around and play in the mud, just like her.
Ever notice that no matter what day or time it is, Kori is doing laundry? That is because every hour, on the hour Kori likes to change her shirt.
She is allergic to Doritos because they make her give off a funky odor.
The best part of waking up, is some pulp-free OJ in her cup!
Never use the pink blanket in her apartment. After downing a nice glass of OJ, KoKo likes to use the pink blanket as a napkin which lead to many crusties over time.
Note: Not all of these facts are true but they are based on real life events.
Happy birthday Kori!
For more of my deep thoughts and witticisms, follow me on Twitter or Facebook.
I am such a dork, my interests are dorky and I don’t try to hide it.
My weird interests include: photographing bridges, hanging out at farmers markets and going antiquing. I am an old lady at heart. I will want to share these interests with you but understand that you probably won’t enjoy it.
Technology excites me to no end. A new piece of hardware or software, and you’ve lost me for a few hours.
I don’t connect well with people around me. I have trouble forming relationships with ordinary people, but if I think you’re worth it, then I will put in the effort and pray that you like me back.
I don’t like being touched because I’m self-conscious, but if you can get me past that, then I will love your touch.
I like even numbers because when there is an odd number I fear that I will be the one left out.
Brunch is my favorite meal, I would LOVE to get brunch with you.
I get overwhelmed easily, sometimes by simple tasks like buying a birthday present or taking my car into the shop.
I read a lot, and I’m going to want to share every article I read.
When something’s bothering me, I try to hold it in and just ‘deal’ for a while.
I can be very immature, I don’t try to hide it.
I think I am smarter than I am, sometimes it comes off as arrogance, that is not my intent. I just want you to think highly of me.
I wake up early, if you’re next to me, I am going to want to wake you too.
I don’t offend easily, therefore sometimes I say offensive things and wonder why you’re offended.
I think I am hysterical, in reality I am not funny at all.
If you do something that I think is cute or funny, I will ask you to do it again, in that instant.
I like weird, being normal isn’t any fun.
I sing in the shower, and not just popular songs on the radio, usually they are songs that I make up.
I have a lot to say; once you get me to open up, I WILL NOT SHUT UP.
I really hate lemons, please do not come anywhere near my beverage with lemons. I mean it. If I am given an unwanted lemon in my beverage in a restaurant, I will throw it on the floor, even though I know it is highly inappropriate.
My favorite word is hater, my favorite phrase is ‘haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate.’ I will keep trying to make this happen like Gretchen Weiners tried to make ‘fetch’ happen.
I love sushi, I could eat it seven days a week. However I only like one type of sushi, I’m not much for variety.
For more of my deep thoughts and witticisms, follow me on Twitter or Facebook