Ways That I Wouldn’t Mind Dying

Gravestone of Joseph Dawson, member of the cre...

  • Watching a romantic movie so many times that my eyes fall out or my heart explodes from being exposed to too much love.
  • Involved in a trampoline-related accident.
  • In a SAW movie where the trap is that I have to eat myself out of room made of peanut butter.
  • As one of the orchestra musicians who kept playing while the Titanic went down. Such ROMANCE! Straight to Heaven, that bunch. Straight to Heaven.
  • Accidentally stabbed by my pet unicorn’s forehead horn thingie while playfully wrestling in a pile of our money.
  • In a blast of light and sound while being sucked in to the Space Time Continuum, which is what happens when you beat the internet. Also, “The Final Countdown” is playing.
  • While I am visiting my house on the moon I accidentally remove my space helmet and float off into space.
  • Eating too much cotton candy where my body explodes from the sugar overload.
  • Sucking in helium and turning myself into a human balloon until I over inflate myself and pop.
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