1. I don’t actually know you. For some reason we have never met but somehow became friends. This must have been back when I was young and naïve, unfamiliar with the point of Facebook.
2. We met that one time maybe 5+ years ago and I have no desire to keep in touch. Also, I’ll probably never see you again.
3. You update your Facebook status A LOT. The updates aren’t interesting or insightful, they’re statuses about the games you’re playing. Sorry but I am not interested.
4. You post pictures of your meals. I understand if it’s occasionally, or you ordered something awesome. Or even if it’s something you made but there is something unique or exciting about it. But no one wants to see that Eggo waffle you ate. Toasted to perfection or not, there’s nothing exciting about it.
5. #toomanyhashtags. Sometimes it can be a little fun or witty. Usually, it looks like you’re a moron. Especially when you attend a conference or special event and are tagging along with your Twitter using peers. #hashtagsdonothingonfacebook
6. In your pictures, it looks like you don’t shower. By that, I mean that I can see how greasy your hair is to a point where I’m constantly thinking ‘remind me to mail that kid some shampoo.’
7. U r not abel 2 spel. Seriously, let me buy you a dictionary.
8. On your Facebook you’re unaware of the correct usage of ‘your’ vs. ‘you’re’. This applies for a variety of other words too. Seriously, I believe this was taught to us in the second grade. This is some pretty basic stuff!
9. You have invited me to play farmville. Seriously, NO ONE WANTS TO BE YOUR NEIGHBOR.