Texts I’d Send If I Was An Honest Person

Weird and Random Text Message

(Photo credit: Dave Schumaker)

Sometimes, I don’t say exactly what I’m thinking because my mom told me to be a nice person. But if she hadn’t these are some examples of the brutal honesty you could expect from me:

  • Are you a moron?
  • Why are you talking to me like I’m google?
  • I am smarter than you.
  • Talking to you is less interesting than watching grass grow.
  • It’s THEN not THAN. That’s something you learn in first grade.
  • I hate your shoes.
  • At lunch when you ordered fries, I was thinking about how you should stay away from the fries.
  • Come with me to the gym? This is more of a demand than a question because some exercise would be a good idea for you.
  • I hate your girlfriend.
  • I say ‘k’ so you stop talking, not to continue the conversation.
  • I hate your boyfriend.
  • You actually look nothing like your ‘celeb doppelganger’ but nice try.
  • Seriously, learn the difference between you’re and your.
  • Stop telling me that you’re crying, it makes me uncomfortable.
  • You are a hot mess.
  • I saw you pick your nose before.
  • #HASHTAGSDONTWORKTHROUGHTEXT
  • I figured you would flake tonight, you usually do.
  • I really don’t care about your pet.
  • I hate when you invite her to hang out with us, she’s really annoying.
  • Stop digging for compliments, when you deserve them I’ll compliment you.
  • Don’t lie to me, you know that from stalking my facebook.
  • Stop talking like you’re from the Sopranos, to be clear, you’re not.
  • I’m not a doctor, nor am I webMD. Please stop sending pictures and texts about your health problems.
  • It’s annoying how cocky you are, no one thinks you’re that great.
  • I really hate giving you advice, please accept this ‘k’ as a peace offering.
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