Have you ever wondered what makes Kori tick? And what exactly is going on inside that crazy head of hers, under what used to be an epic jew-fro? Well, I may not have ALL the answers but on behalf of her 23rd birthday, here is a start:
- There was a dog, his name was Brutis, until one day that little fudge face sat on his back and took him for a ride. Koko might have been small but Brutis just couldn’t hold the weight and Kori went toppling off.
- After Brutis kicked Kori off, she proceeded to slam his head in the door.
- Underneath all the chemicals and hair ironing, Kori has the MOST EPIC JEW FRO KNOWN TO MAN.
- Her full name is Kornelious Fudge-Face Hannah SnairBear.
- She is secretly part Mexican which is why she loves the FAJITAS!
- Her favorite song is ‘Nuggets, Nuggets, Unit A. Stick with us and you’ll go cray. Nom, Nom, Nom, Boom, Boom, pow ..’
- Mr. and Mrs. Snair wanted a third child so badly, after they had Kori, they couldn’t bare the thought to have another. She was just TOO MUCH to handle.
- She frequents ColdStone so often, they named a creation after her.
- Kori has these HUGE calf muscles that look like tumors because she is a Lax Bro.
- Bedtime isn’t bedtime unless Kori has already eaten a quart of ice cream and suffered through multiple brain freezes.
- At night she cuddles with a little bear named ‘Champ’. Before bed she has to tuck him in and sing to him. ‘Me and my teddy, getting all ready, getting all ready for bed.’
- Her favorite color is yellow, and she is BANANAS. Kori is ape-shit crazy!! That is why her favorite thing to be called is .. KOKO NANNERS!!
- She can’t drink a beverage unless it is being sold in a children’s cup. She owns over 100 from Glory Days and Red Robin.
- If it is not chicken, she will not consume it. Her biggest fear is Mad Cow disease. Kori has not had red meat since ‘nam.
- One time she chased down the Cookie Monster in the streets of NYC so she could get a photograph. She just needs one of her and Big Bird and then her collection of photos with the characters of Sesame Street is complete.
- The uniform of choice is: skinny jeans, a hanes white v-neck and a scarf from baby GAP with some Uggs.
- Did you have a magnet on your car and now it’s missing? Koko’s favorite item to collect is car magnets. CURRENTLY SHE IS ON THE PROWL FOR A TYE-DYE PEACE SIGN.
- On Kori’s bucket list, she really wants to pee outside. When she accomplished this feat, she wiped with a single blade of grass.
- If Kori is MIA, she could probably be found in the nearest bathroom. She is always peeing from drinking RedBull, her beverage of choice.
- When Kornelious does produce offspring, she wants to have 10 children. 10 little babies that run around and play in the mud, just like her.
- Ever notice that no matter what day or time it is, Kori is doing laundry? That is because every hour, on the hour Kori likes to change her shirt.
- She is allergic to Doritos because they make her give off a funky odor.
- The best part of waking up, is some pulp-free OJ in her cup!
- Never use the pink blanket in her apartment. After downing a nice glass of OJ, KoKo likes to use the pink blanket as a napkin which lead to many crusties over time.
Note: Not all of these facts are true but they are based on real life events.
Happy birthday Kori!