Ways That I Wouldn’t Mind Dying

• Watching a romantic movie so many times that my eyes fall out or my heart explodes from being exposed to too much love.
• Involved in a trampoline-related accident.
• In a SAW movie where the trap is that I have to eat myself out of room made of peanut butter.
• As one of the orchestra musicians who kept playing while the Titanic went down. Such ROMANCE! Straight to Heaven, that bunch. Straight to Heaven.
• Accidentally stabbed by my pet unicorn’s forehead horn thingie while playfully wrestling in a pile of our money.
• In a blast of light and sound while being sucked in to the Space Time Continuum, which is what happens when you beat the internet. Also, “The Final Countdown” is playing.
• While I am visiting my house on the moon I accidentally remove my space helmet and float off into space.
• Eating too much cotton candy where my body explodes from the sugar overload.
• Sucking in helium and turning myself into a human balloon until I over inflate myself and pop.